build god, then we'll talk
by grotesqueries
Summary: there are no raindrops on roses and girls in white dresses, it's sleeping with roaches and taking best guesses at the shade of the sheets before all the stains, and a few more of your least favorite things.


do you ever write something, never finish it, and then parts of it become canon? YEAH.

(the 'story' karin reads is basically a number of snippets taken from Lost in the Funhouse by John Barth.)

* * *

"Karin," he asks one day, mere days before their worlds are turned upside down, when the sun has set and they've found a place to rest. "Why did you stay?"

She's silent for a minute or two as she lays their bedmats out. Then finally, as she smoothes them out, she speaks in a calm tone. "Because you're the only person I could see a future with, of course."

He pauses for a moment, his hands on his own bedmat. "I see." he finally says.

That night, when she begins to whimper from a nightmare, he doesn't think twice when he begrudgingly pulls her shuddering body close to his own. (Why he doesn't is what really bothers him. She will wake before him - as she has been doing lately, he should really ask her what wakes her from her precious sleep - and she will find his arms around her, carefully so as to not hurt her. And she will not move his arm until the others wake up. Then she will wake and never speak of that which makes him wonder about her.

A few days later, he has his answer.)

The world is at war - Suna and Konoha against Oto, the rest picking sides, supplying goods, and only a few stay neutral. (because in reality, there is no grey zone, not now.) - and Karin _knows it_.

They find themselves in the belly of the beast, suspended between the country that raised them, albeit terribly, and the countries that will likely be their salvation. It goes unsaid when Sasuke draws his sword that they will not be fighting for their pasts tonight. They will rest tonight, and tomorrow they will fight. Those are his only words before he turns and enters the foreboding forest stretching on endlessly in front of him.

(Karin finds him near sobbing far into the forest, standing there stock still as bleeding sharingan eyes stare at her.)

"You are the most broken man I have ever seen," she hisses as she storms at him and curls her hand tightly in the collar of his shirt, tugging him towards her. And it's that in itself, that little statement that makes him close the gap between them and kiss her with all of his might, because they may die tomorrow and neither of them will go down without the other. (They assume it's the same sort of thing with Suigetsu and Juugo, though minus the kissing and yelling.) She pulls away sharply to glare daggers into crimson and onyx eyes. "Repair yourself." She says, and then they're kissing again, hands tangled tightly in each others hair.

The next morning, they don't expect to live. They wake up and Karin is almost sick. The noncombatant on a team of bloodthirsty predators, she knows she will go down first. Sasuke will not save her this time. He cannot.

And still. While Suigetsu and Juugo prepare for a war, Karin wills herself to have enough chakra to save them all, should she die or not be damned. Sasuke comes over to her and she half expects him to scold her for not being ready enough, not sharpening her kunai quick enough and not being good enough in general.

But he doesn't. Sasuke walks over to her and sits next to her, his katana in hand, already crackling with lightning, and says only a few words.

"You will live."

"How do you know?" Karin sputters, her hackles rising.

"Because I didn't chose you specifically only for you to go down in an inevitable battle. You were trained with a katana when you were under Orochimaru's care. Get one from Suigetsu. And then," he takes a breath, almost as if regretting this moment of attention he gives her. "You will fight beside me." Because he needs her. Needs to know how many surround him, how many times he will need to push himself past his limits with his eyes. Because at one point, she will get overwhelmed, and Orochimaru had a backup plan for everything. (One little mark, one inconspicuous bite mark on the nape of her neck, and she will be just like them. Just like Juugo and Sasuke and the rest of the cursed.

And she does not know.)

She takes a breath. If she is nervous, she does not show it.

"Do you trust me?" he asks, his voice steady and clear from above her.

"Yes," she says immediately, though she does not fully, for she has always known that he will betray them all at one point, find a better cause and leave them for dead and beyond.

"Then you will live to see Konoha."

"And nothing else?" Karin fidgets, dragging the kunai in her hand up and down the rock she sits on.

"And everything else. Go get a katana." and then he leaves her again, in a wisp of black smoke and crows. Wordlessly, she pockets her kunai and makes her way over to Suigetsu, her steps unevenly balanced. He's not facing her, instead turned away from Sasuke, Juugo and herself. His Executioners Blade stands stagnant in front of him, gleaming as he sharpens and polishes it, almost adoringly. (She wouldn't be surprised if he were lovingly cooing at it.)

"Suigetsu," she calls, her head high. He turns.

"Whaddaya want, freak?" He pockets the cloth in his hand with a sigh, his hand on the hilt of his blade and his violet eyes shining his contempt.

"Why you-" She bites her tongue then, eyebrows furrowing. "Just shut up and give me a katana." She snaps, her hand out and palm up as she frowns and looks away. He doesn't need to see that she's scared. If he sees that she's scared, he'll laugh, he'll call her weak and then she'll really die, because in the that of battle you either forget or remember, there is no grey zone. There is only right and wrong, forget and remember, good and bad. There is no grey zone.

"… What."

"Just do it! You and Sasuke aren't the only ones who know how to wield a sword, you know!" _I'm just as capable as you!_ she almost screams, but no, now is not the time, they may not live, she must be calm, she must be collected. And she must say her goodbyes if necessary.

He doesn't bother to say anything as he pulls a katana, sheath and all, from his belt and hands it to her. She takes it carefully, hitching it to her shirt, before raising her gaze to Suigetsu's violet eyes once again.

"Suigetsu?" she says, not meek so much as wavering as she stands up straighter, her hand dropping from the hilt of the katana. "If we don't make it today… It was both a pleasure and a pain having you around." And she says nothing else, because anything else would make her crack, wit her emotions boiling so close to the surface.

"I'll miss you if you die, four eyes." Is all he bothers to say as he turns, but Karin doesn't miss the glint in his eyes that clearly says that he's not joking. She smiles, a small blush crawling up to her cheeks.

"Make sure you give me a proper burial." And then she turns and walks back to Sasuke's side, raising a hand to Juugo's arm and speaking in hushed tones to Sasuke.

Suigetsu never really noticed it before, but if Sasuke is the glue that keeps all of them tougher, Karin is the horse Sasuke takes that glue from.

"Ready to fight?" Karin asks, resigned in full to her fate. Juugo gives her a look, curious and wary as he drums his fingers together, rocking back and forth over the dying grass.

"Always." Is all Sasuke says, unsheathing his katana. Suigetsu, light in his eyes, speedily makes his way to Sasuke's side. "How far?"

"Not far. No more than an hour. Likely less." She avoids his sidelong glance as she surreptitiously takes a soldier pill, washing it down with a light swig of water. Juugo sighs a little.

"Those take half an hour to go into effect. Do you want to ride on my back until it kicks in?" _You'll need your strength_. Karin has to glance around, assess whether Suigetsu will judge her - she can see in his eyes that he won't - before she nods.

She realizes she's never really been in a proper war zone when she slides from Juugo's back and takes in the sight of death. A Konoha scout with deep black hair and a timid expression approaches them and asks as kindly as possible if they've come to assist Konoha.

Wordlessly, they pull their weapons, and Sasuke looks at her for a moment too long.

"Oh, Sasuke. Sakura will be so glad." is all the girl says.

"Don't tell her. Not yet. Or Naruto. Especially him."

The girl nods and motions for them to follow her. She flinches at the sound of their weapons sheathing.

"Names, villages, ages, please." she demands of the three as they walk, ducked low behind barricades and grimacing ninja.

"Karin, Juugo, Suigetsu Hozuki. Seventeen. I'm from Kusagakure, Suigetsu is from Kirigakure, Juugo is unknown." Karin lists off with a bored tone. "I'm a sensor and medic. Juugo can talk to birds and is the original source of any and all cursed seals, including Sasuke's. Suigetsu can liquefy himself and is - or was - one of the seven swordsmen of the mist."

"Oh, my, you're very good at this."

"I can go on." she responds, still deadpan.

"Anything else will be asked of you later. Tsunade will deal with you as she sees fit." She says, bowing her head and motioning them forward. "Sakura and Ino are both in the field," she says to Sasuke under her voice.

He nods once. "Thank you for not killing me on sight." he says dryly. She nods once and rips a piece of paper from her notepad, handing it to him and turning on her heel.

Sasuke takes a single deep breath before bowing into the tent in front of them, his three companions straight behind him.

"Sasuke Uchiha!" a firm voice booms. "I never thought I'd see the day."

"Hn."

Naruto mentioned your lack of any social function." she deadpans, taking the paper in his hands and reading it over. Karin, behind him, holds in a laugh. "Who're your friends? And don't look so relieved. When this is over you're dead meat."

"These are my teammates. Karin, Juugo and Suigetsu."

Tsunade looks up. "A medic and a sensor? That's rare. You did you train under?"

"No one. "Karin responds, stepping from behind Sasuke. "My medic skills are much different than what you think they are."

"You don't say."

Wordlessly, Karin pulls her sleeve up and Tsunade's face pales tenfold.

"Tapping into chakra stores- I've only heard about that in myths. Explain yourself!"

"I was one of Orochimaru's more favored test subjects." is all she says. Tsunade nods slowly and motions to the woman behind her.

"Shizune! Get a report of this girl. You two- talk."

Sasuke's grip on his sword tenses and he finds himself by Karin's side as Shizune pulls a pen out and begins questioning her. The grass beneath his feet is cold and he wonders if it's from all of the spilt blood.

A woman named Shizune, with dark brown hair and bright eyes, leads her into a tent and motions for her to sit.

"Karin, right?"

"That's correct." Karin replies, taking a seat and crossing her legs at the ankles.

"It's very nice to meet you, Karin. My name is Shizune. Now, this is very simple, just summarize your life for me so I can get some background on you."

Karin takes a deep breath.

"I was raised in a small village directly associated with Kusagakure. I took part in the same chuunin exams Sasuke took part in. My village was burnt to the ground shortly after I returned, and I believe I am the sole survivor as everyone else refused to believe me when I told them we were going to die. Orochimaru and his subordinate Kabuto found me, took me in, and experimented on me after running multiple tests on me. Because of their experimentation, I have the ability to near completely heal someone if they bite me. I don't know how often I can do such a thing, but so far it has not exhausted me to the point of unconsciousness. I am considered a noncombatant due to my primarily being a sensor and a medic, however Orochimaru and Sasuke trained me with a katana and as such I am capable of fighting with one if need be. My hand-to-hand combat is also decent enough to be used in the field."

Shizune's blood runs cold, but she nods, scribbling down the redhead's words and looking up after a tense moment of staring at the grass.

"I'll get this into Tsunade-sama as soon as possible. Until then, you are welcome to join your teammates on the field." She makes a note in the margin reminding herself to have somebody send you a report informing those in the field of Taka's presence and that Sasuke Uchiaha and those accompanying him are to be spared for the time being.

Karin stands, nods, and disappears out of the tent without a word. Sasuke stands as she approaches, her face set in a hard line. After a moment of silence, he looks to Suigetsu and Juugo and gestures forward.

If this is warfare, Karin wants very little to do with it. She had been offered a place amongst the medics, but the idea of anyone other than Sasuke biting her, especially like this, is quite unappealing. There are bodies scattered everywhere, she's had to sidestep multiple severed limbs, and while a part of her truly appreciates the sickness behind this, the Oto nin sneering and slashing at her doesn't exactly tickle her fancy. She raises her katana and parries, gulping back her fear and using her momentum to push him back long enough to catch him off balance with a kick. His body hits the ground with a thump and she kneels to slit his throat. Sasuke and Juugo fight side-by-side in front of her, both grey-skinned and snarling. Karin falls back beside Suigetsu and catches her breath.

"Four-eyes?"

"Yes, fish face?"

"You're doing really well. For a girl with shit combat skills."

She tosses her hair with a roll of her eyes. "Thanks, Suigetsu." Sasuke looks over his shoulder, their eyes meeting, and for a flicker of a moment she sees his human form. Without a second glance at Suigetsu, she sprints to Sasuke, a hand going to his arm. Blood meets her touch and she traces it up to his shoulder blade, where a deep slash leaks dark red blood. Similar gashes pepper his torso.

"I thought I told you to be careful."

"it doesn't matter. Fix it, quickly. I need to keep an eye on Juugo." he bites out, never taking his eyes off of the giant raging in front of him. Karin holds out her arm and he bites down with fanged teeth, so hard she tears up as a moan rips through her.

"Take Suigetsu and go ahead. Juugo and I will follow." He tells her, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Shouldn't you lead?"

"You can handle it. If you think you can't, feel free to return and join the medics." He stares her down and she meets his gaze for seconds too long.

"Don't get hurt again." She says, beckoning Suigetsu forward and leaping ahead with his, swords in hand. Sasuke watches her go, and an alien sense of appreciation screams for recognition inside of him.

At the end of the day, they are the blood-soaked children, dragging themselves back with weights on their shoulders and defiance shrieking from their joints.

"Sasuke!" Two girls cry in unison, one blonde and the other a rosette, and Karin is surprised when Sasuke nods at them both instead of glaring them into silence. Karin expects fawning and crying and swooning, but instead, anger meets him.

"I can't believe you! The nerve! You show up after all of these years and act like it's nothing?" The blonde snarls, furling her hands into fists. The pink-haired girl beside her stands and glares maliciously.

"I hope you've got a fantastic reason for showing up out of nowhere, Uchiha! Ino has a point, you heartless bastard!" Suigetsu snickers behind her, elbowing Juugo and pointing suggestively. Karin scowls, elbowing him.

"Sakura. Ino. I didn't come back for you-"

"Of course you didn't!" they rage simultaneously, Sakura tossing her hands up and Ino tossing her hair as her hands work on healing the man with shoulder-length brunette hair before her.

"-I came back for them. Because there wasn't another option."

Sasuke realizes it's probably the longest sentence he's uttered in a while and the expressions of those around him mimic the thought.

"I'm going to kick your ass later, Uchiha-"

But welcome back." Ino fills in with a smile she can't keep down, looking up from the man lying in front of her, who looks at her with eyes of silent appreciation. A murmur of agreement goes around, even from those with hard expressions and arms crossed. Karin blushes a light pink before she can catch herself. As she scans the crowd, a man with long dark brown hair watches the blonde and her patient with carefully concealed envy. "Who're your friends?" The man asks, never taking his eyes off of Ino.

Sasuke swallows, blinking irritably before motioning behind him. "This is Suigetsu Hozuki. Beside him, Juugo, and beside me, Karin."

The three bow their heads, even Suigetsu, who keeps a tight hold on his blade all the while.

"It's nice to meet all of you," Sakura says, smiling brightly, finally, and sitting down with her head bowed.

Karin, whose hand hovers over Sasuke's back almost nervously, presses her hand between his shoulder blades.

They are given fair trial in Konoha. They request to keep Juugo under observation - which he is fine with, the more people watching him, the safer he feels, strangely - but other than weekly check-ups until they feel they've deconstructed all they can from them, Suigetsu and Karin are free to go. Granted citizenship and possible positions as ninjas should they desire them later in life.

Sasuke, however, is another story. He has to sit through trials after trial and jump through rings of fire and bow his head to the elders and it makes Karin's blood boil. But they are allowed a cramped house in a poorer section of Konoha, and Karin has her own room since she's the only girl, and even if Sasuke is watched like a hawk, they all know it could be worse. (it doesn't hurt, either, that she often wakes to find him curled in beside her, hands closed tightly into fists around her. Suigetsu probably enjoys it too, seeing as it leaves him with a single for the night.) He is usually gone in the morning but she still feels him leave when dawn breaks as his warmth leave her side.

Karin is surprised to say she finds solace in both girls who originally confronted Sasuke with anger.

"We used to be just like you," Sakura says, smiling over a cup of sake. "In love with something we could barely fathom. But I suppose that's incorrect, you seem to know him better than Ino-pig and I ever could." The blonde laughs in response, and Karin smiles slowly at both of them. They are a comfort, if not one to be taken in moderation.

She doesn't mention how she feels like only half of a person in Konoha, and how it kills her that Sasuke is only half a person now, trapped and bound by Konoha.

"We love it here," she says. Suigetsu is stir-crazy and Juugo is barely balancing the precarious edge between sanity and insanity, she doesn't say. Sasuke holds onto my clothes at night and I cannot sleep for nightmares overtake me, she withholds.

Ino and Sakura smile at her as if they're oblivious. The way their eyes flicker, she's got a feeling they can tell from the bags under her eyes and the way she rubs the pad of her thumb against her knuckles that things are never as they seem. When she sees Juugo after and gives him his medication - he only accepts it from Karin or Sasuke, when he can get away with it - he turns the corner of his lips down at her split ends and reaches a hand out to rub her arm. It'll be okay, his eyes say as he swallows his pills. She can tell he's lying, but it doesn't stop her from taking even the slightest bit of comfort in him.

"Enjoy your day?" Sasuke asks dryly as she crosses the threshold of their much too small house and drapes her coat over a chair.

"Yes, Sasuke. Did you?"

He eyes her grouchily and turns back to the open cabinet, placing various jars into his arms and crossing items off of a list with the other hand. "Go tell Suigetsu he needs to go grocery shopping."

"I could do that."

"You just got back. Go clean your makeup off."

"Rude!" she huffs, stomping dramatically into the bathroom and slamming the door.

"What's her problem?" Suigetsu asks nastily, trotting down the stairs and twirling the stick of the lollipop in his mouth. He crosses his ankles and leans against the rickety wooden banister, eying Sasuke like a piece of meat.

"Nothing. Here, go get food." Sasuke bites out, thrusting the list towards him. Suigetsu tosses his head with a snort, jumping down the rest of the stairs and snatching the list from his hands and looking over it.

"We don't need half of this stuff! And why me, send four-eyes instead!"

"Four-eye- _Karin_ was just out. Just shut up and go."

Suigetsu glares as he slides his coat on and stomps out, slamming the door.

"What's his problem?" Karin sneers, a hand going to her hip as she exits the bathroom, fresh-faced, and walks to Sasuke's side.

"Nothing." Sasuke growls through his teeth. She raises a cynical eyebrow and grabs a bottle of milk before turning on her heel and heading up the stairs. In his room, Suigetsu stumbles as he attempts to put his shoes on and brush his teeth at the same time, and Karin stops at the entrance to his room and stares.

"You know brushing your teeth isn't necessary when you're just going to eat all of the food you're going to get."

"Watch your tongue before I bite it out," he snarls, tugging his right shoe on and throwing his toothbrush as he storms past her. She catches the toothbrush and, with a snarl, hip checks him as he stalks past her.

"Watch yourself, shark bait!"

"Shut up, both of you." Sasuke calls from downstairs.

Almost as if on cue, they both scowl.

("I'm going to take a look around your head, okay? I'm not going to remove or add any memories. Do you trust me?"

"Yes."

And he's surprised to hear the words leave his mouth.)

In the end, they clear Sasuke's name. Months on end of jumping through hoops and smiling on command and begging for the keys to the Uchiha compound, and they finally give him the ANBU position he so deserves, and Tsunade herself hands him the keys to the Uchiha compound.

"Welcome home," she says.

Sasuke's hands, for the first time since he's returned, do not shake imperceptibly as he takes his keys.

"Thank you."

When he gets back to their cramped little house, it's half past five and the sun is setting. Karin is sitting on their squashy old couch, faded pink with use, with Suigetsu, stirring a cup of tea between her legs and reading out loud from a small paperback. When he steps inside, she barely looks up, but Suigetsu casts him a no of greeting.

"They would know each other's innermost souls, be bound together, for things spoke to him, he understood more than he should have, it's the curse he must share. He loses himself in its reflection, wherein he lingers yet."

"Karin."

"Sasuke." she says, looking up briefly. "Shh." And then she looks back down, scanning the page before speaking again. "He died telling stories to himself in the dark, wondering, 'How is it that most go along without difficulty but a few lose their way?' They found his skeleton in the labyrinthine corridors of his-"

"Four eyes, shut up. What's that in your hand?" Suigetsu interrupts, gesturing half-heartedly. Karin's head whips up with a scowl, but she's silent as she catches the glimmer of silver in Sasuke's hand.

"Keys." he says after a heavy moment. "I can go home."

"Home? We have a home?" Suigetsu asks, body suddenly tenser than usual. Karin sits up straighter and closes her book.

"We need to go get Juugo."

Sasuke nods and, gradually, a smile breaks out over both Suigetsu and Karin's faces.

They get him the next morning, groggy but equally alive, the permit for Juugo's release held tight in Sasuke's hand.

Ino walks him out at the door, a warm hand on his bicep, and hands him his pills.

"Come see me for refills every month, and if you have an incident, have someone call. Promise?"

"Promise."

She waves him out and slowly, a smile spreads to the very corners of his lips as he approaches Sasuke, Suigetsu and Karin, all waiting patiently in the sun. Suigetsu rubs his forearms.

"I'm melting out here. Can we go?"

"Where are we going?"

"Home," Sasuke replies. The sun reflects the granite shadow of the earth onto them, casting their forms into infinite lines and with a smirk almost victorious at the look of content that flashes in Juugo's eyes, Sasuke leads them east towards the outskirts of the city, down dirt-paved roads and past the flower shop and dango stand, all of the little places Sasuke showed them when they first arrived. They stop in front of a looming mahogany gate, and Sasuke doesn't even fumble the keys as he pulls out one from the many and unlocks it. Dust shakes down from the ridges and creases and years of abandonment, and when it finally swings open, it's almost exactly as he remembers it.

"Oh," Karin whispers, stepping forward. "How long has it been?"

"Six years."

"I can feel them. Even after that long, their signatures aren't half as faint as they should be. Your clan is amazing."

"You're one to talk, Uzumaki." Sasuke fires back. "Tsunade told me, nice job keeping that one hidden."

She flushes. "I didn't see how it was any of your business."

"This place smells." Suigetsu chirps, breaking the two from their reverie. Juugo nudges him roughly.

"People died here. You're being disrespectful."

"It needs fixing is all I'm saying. And some flowers. You're tight with that tight blonde girl who works in the flower shop, right? Hook us up. And yourself," Suigrtsu sniggers, kicking up sand. Juugo turns red.

"We'll fix it up. Until then, suck it up." Karin snaps. "Right, Sasuke?"

He nods. "Welcome home."

* * *

read and review homies.


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